the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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