Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
