Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Did you pee in the oven last night??
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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