I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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