i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
