Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
