people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
