i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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