I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
