if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
