I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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