The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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