JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
