my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
