PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
