Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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