there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
