I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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