even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
