BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
