I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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