Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
