drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
