I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
