It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize