At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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