Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
