I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Randomize
