Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize