what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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