She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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