the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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