What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
