so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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