In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
