So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
