Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
