hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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