I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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