just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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