hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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