You're my little dorito
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
