I can text with my tongue
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
