Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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