Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
