I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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