wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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