I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
