I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Randomize
