Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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