Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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