How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
