well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
