Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
