Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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