I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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