i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
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