you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
