I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
This is not my ceiling
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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