Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
