i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize