there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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