On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
