omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
