do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
