Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
