My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
