FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
