I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize