At least make sure they are 18
Why
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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