I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
