She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
