he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
