Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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