listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I party with great urgency now.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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