Who did Billy Mays play for?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
