Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
