He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
