hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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