Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
