oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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