Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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