he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
