my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
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