Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
