I looked at my own cervix.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
