We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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